I was talking to a good friend recently about my frustrations with everything we've been through in the last year. And telling this person how one of my main frustrations is not knowing why it all happened. Why was my baby girl born early? Why did she suffer through the duration of her life? Why did she have to die in the end? Why? That is my main question.
And after venting my steam, and letting it all out, this person shared some trials from their own life, and then shared a thought with me.
The statement was, "I think the trials give us a chance to prove our faith is real--that we don't just trust God when everything is good but also when everything falls apart and doesn't make sense."
I may have heard this in some form or fashion at some point in the past several months, but not until this time was it profound to my ears. Trusting God doesn't mean only when things are going great in our lives. In fact, are we really even trusting Him if everything is going right? Or are we just floating along the lazy river of life, basking in the comfort and good things that surround us? I dare say, that when everything is going right, we may be guilty of not trusting God at all.
Although it may be a stretch, I am reminded of the bible study I am currently part of, on Gideon. Gideon started out with 32,000 soldiers when he called them to battle against 135,000 Midianites. That is, 4 Israelites to 1 Midianite. While those aren't the best odds, the ratio still gave the Israelites some hope that they could defeat the Midianites. However, God told Gideon he had too many soldiers. And after it was all said and done, Gideon was left with only 300 men to fight against 135,000. Those odds are 450:1. That's a huge difference from 4:1. At that point, the Israelites had no choice but to put their trust in God, that he would enable them to conquer the Midianites.
You see, before God dwindled down Gideon's army, he didn't fully need to trust in God. His army may have been a little on the small side, but there was still a chance they could win. However, after God shrunk the size of their army to an unthinkably small number, they had to put their trust in God. There is no way they would have won on their own.
So, you see, it's kind of the same with our lives. When we have enough resources to do things on our own, when we have all our ducks in a row, or when everything is going decently right, we have no need to trust God. When everything is great, what is there to trust? Our needs and wants are already being met. But when things aren't going so great, and we have needs, wants, and hurts, we have to put our trust in something, in someONE, that things will get better, or that we will make it through.
I have no illusions that things will be "fixed". We have a hole in our family. That hole will always be there with Serenity's name on it. But what I can look forward to, and what I can use to get through each day, is that I do have a God to put my trust in. I have a Savior that promises to get me through the hard times. I have a Lord who promises He will never leave me. I have a Master who promises to strengthen me.
I may not have the answers to all of my questions, but I have faith that I can put my trust in God, my Savior, Jesus Christ. I can trust Him that everything will be okay. I can trust Him, that while my happiness may falter, joy will never leave me. And knowing that my precious, beautiful baby girl is healed, whole, perfect, and worshipping her Creator, gives me peace that while our prayers may not have been answered in the way we had hoped, God heard our prayers, and He answered them.
