Something has been on my mind and heart quite a bit lately, and that is some of the things people keep saying to Ryan and me. None of those things are meant to be negative of course. I just hear them and start thinking past what the person meant.
One of the things we have been hearing is how people cannot fathom how we are handling all of this so well. Or, they cannot understand how we are able to function with life outside of the NICU. Because they would not be handling it as well.
While those are NOT meant to be negative comments in the least, it has made us think. It has made us wonder if people think we are not sad enough or concerned enough, etc. But the truth is, maybe we AREN'T "sad enough" or "concerned enough" by the world's standards. But we have felt an amazing peace throughout this whole thing. A peace that the world cannot give us. A peace that ONLY comes from our Heavenly Father. In that peace, we find the freedom to feel happy. The freedom to laugh. The freedom to not sit and worry. And the freedom for life to go on.
We both understand that our life does not stop just because we have a child in the NICU. Although, our time is spent a little differently sometimes, we still have things we need (and want) to do outside of the NICU.
Some may consider this to be uncaring about our little girl. But please don't misunderstand. We care about Serenity SO, SO much! We love our little girl more than words can say. But we have prayed (and others have prayed) that God would give us strength and peace in this situation. And He has. So now, instead of wondering if we should be more sad, or more concerned, or more depressed, we can be amazed with our Lord that has answered prayers once again, and marvel in the fact that we CAN relax and know that He has everything under control.
Some of you may wonder, "but what if she doesn't make it?" Well, she may not. But we don't sit and worry about that, because we know that if that is the case, that was best for her. It may seem harsh for a loving God to "take away" our child. But to us, it's not harsh at all. It would hurt our hearts in the moment to know that she wouldn't be with us, and we would definitely be very, very sad, but we would also be so thrilled for her that she gets to spend eternity never in pain, never hurting, and being in the presence of a magnificent God!
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7
i am so glad for this posting..luv you BOTH!! I am right there with you!! I get it!! yayyyyyyyyyyy GOD!!! <3
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DeleteThe peace that surpasses understanding is also difficult to explain in human words. Grateful that God can read our hearts. To God be the glory.
ReplyDeleteI agree! It's hard to explain in human words.
DeleteI heard the same thing daily when Kayleigh was in the NICU as well. It was only by the grace of God that we weren't in constant tears. I don't think that anyone feels you are not upset enough at all. I think a lot or most people just have never really encountered a preemie even as common as they really are and so when they do they start to put it into perspective, "what if it were me?" Then it is impossible to really know what it's like, they can't understand how anyone can handle it because they're sure they would have nervous breakdowns. Looking back, if you have to take God out of the equation, I don't know how we made it, either. If it were to happen again, how I am now, I couldn't deal with it - I would need God to give me that peace and strength again. He gives us just what we need when we need it.
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