From nearly the beginning of this pregnancy, I had a feeling this baby was a girl. I even found myself accidentally saying "she" and "her" from time to time. But part of me was afraid to allow myself the pleasure of fully anticipating a girl. I would tell myself, 'Maybe you feel like you're still pregnant with Serenity, since the pregnancy was only half as long as it should have been.' 'Maybe you subconsciously feel like this baby is Serenity.' I was afraid to really wish that my intuition was right, because what if it was wrong? Of course I would love another boy. I would love for Liam to have a little buddy to run and play with. But my heart has longed for a girl ever since the moment I said goodbye to our first baby girl.
So, to find out from the ultrasound technician not once but three or four times that this baby is in fact a girl, was such a happy moment for me. I told Ryan on the way home that my mind kept going to Job, in the Bible. I kept thinking about how God allowed him to lose everything, including his children. But then he restored everything back to him. Giving him twice as many livestock as he had lost, and blessing him with the exact number of sons and daughters he had lost. In a way, I sort of felt like Job. God allowed for us to lose our daughter, but then he turned around and blessed us with another daughter. I felt like God was saying, "Here is your baby girl. I love you."
It's been an emotional kind of day for me. I miss my Serenity Hope more than words can express. But I'm so thankful she is in no more pain. That her body is so very perfect and whole. And I'm so thankful that Liam will still get his little sister; and that hopefully, this time, we will get to bring our daughter home with us.
