It's been awhile since I've written on here... but my entire being is bursting with words that need get out.
If you have never lost a child, or even more specifically, if you have never had a child born extremely early and spent months in the NICU, only for that child to still not make it in the end, I don't expect you to understand. In fact, it would be incredibly difficult to understand where I'm coming from, unless you've been down my path. And even then, everyone handles life situations differently.
I spent the majority of 2013 making some of the most difficult decisions of my entire life. Only for those decisions to result in a death. The death of my first daughter. A death I was never expecting to have to endure. A death that will cause pain in my heart for the rest of my life, regardless of how at peace I am with the situation.
In light of going through all of that, I've been just a little on the overprotective side with our second daughter. I think I have every right to be. I've already lost one child, and I prefer to not lose another.
The truth of the matter is, my daughter's doctor cannot guarantee that she will not have a life crippling reaction to vaccines, or even die from them. I can bet you money (even though I don't bet for real) that he would not be willing to sign a legal document stating that my daughter will not have any type of negative reaction to the vaccines he wants to give her. Nor will he sign a legal document stating that he will be solely responsible if something negative does happen to her upon giving her vaccines. Why? Because they are not 100% safe. They are MOSTLY safe. But not 100%.
Now before I lose you, please allow me to explain further.
Some would say, "Wouldn't you rather take a chance with a vaccine than for your child to catch a disease?! And isn't a chance of autism better than a chance of death??" My answer to that is this:
a) Yes, disease can cause death, and so can vaccines
b) Yes, disease can cause other life altering side effects, and so can vaccines
c) If my daughter catches a disease she can spread it to others... live virus vaccines also can spread the disease to others in their shedding period, which can last up to 6 weeks
d) There is a chance that the vaccine won't even work, and my daughter will still catch those diseases
e) There is also the chance that my daughter, without vaccines, will never catch those diseases
These are just the basic answers to all the questions. I could go on an on about it, but most wouldn't want to read all of that, unless they were already in agreement with me.
In either case my daughter is at risk. In either case others around her are at risk. In either case there could be a negative or even downright awful outcome. However, I cannot stomach the thought of something happening to her because of something I chose to give her, without her consent. I CAN live with life happening, and if life throws measles at us, and she catches it, it was meant to happen. The chances are extremely low. But I'm not naive to the fact that it can happen.
In the end, just because I feel so strongly against vaccines does not mean she will never receive any. I may decide at some point, when her nervous system is more mature, that I feel okay with certain vaccines at that point. But right now, while her body is still immature, and even more so because she was born prematurely, I do not feel okay with injecting multiple viruses plus heavy toxins into her tiny little body when I can't even give her adult Tylenol. Or peanut butter.
Lastly, I would like to say that if you disagree with me, that is fine. Obviously if you disagree with me, that means I disagree with you also. However, please do not treat me like I'm illiterate, or a criminal because I've done my research and made an informed decision that feels like the right one for my family. I try not to treat those I disagree with in all ill-mannered way. That is the choice they've made for their family -- I don't try to tell them why they are making the wrong decision and they need to stop vaccinating their children immediately. But something that is important for everyone to understand is, that does not mean I will stop speaking about things that I find relevant or important. You don't have to read them. They are not for those who have differing opinions anyways. The things I share with people are for those who are interested in reading further about things that I also happen to want to read further about. Simply that. You don't have to feel like I'm trying to tell you you're wrong.
Ultimately we are all trying to do what we feel is best for our families -- shouldn't that be what matters?
